Author: Leonardo
I had attempted suicide and yet I lived. That’s when God opened my eyes. The day I got arrested, I knew I was saved — but I also knew that life as I knew it was over.
I walked into the Georgia prison system in the early 2000s carrying all of that. The self-hatred. The anger at God. The confusion about how any of this could possibly have meaning. I was a newly minted Christian believer, for the first time in my life I believed there was a God, but I was furious and lost. And honestly? At the time I didn’t care. Nothing really mattered. I had given up on life in general before I ever got arrested.
Those first days inside were surreal. I could not believe I found myself there. But I didn’t fight it. I just existed.
Then the threats started. I was assigned to a dorm where some bangers were talking about taking me out, robbing me because I was a solitary white boy. So I refused housing. I wasn’t about to get hurt, and I wasn’t about to have to hurt anyone. They put me in the hole to keep me separated. I stayed there with various cellmates until they needed the room for two people they couldn’t put anywhere else. That’s when they moved me to solitary.
When that door closed and I looked around — alone — I decided that was where I would stay.
I had never been alone in my life. Ever. I was always surrounded by a crowd, always had a girl, always part of a team. I’d never had time alone. And I needed that.
Honestly, it was some really good time. I focused on studies. I worked out hard. I hustled, fixing radios and headphones for other inmates. I perfected my drawing. I worked on inventions and business ideas. And I listened. I listened to God. I realized that I was not alone, and that I never would be.
I also came to terms with what had happened. It did not lessen the severity, nor did it remove the guilt or responsibility of my actions. But I accepted it. And I no longer hated myself.
That was four years in. Four years in solitary is where the shift happened for me. I started a deep study on Biblical prophecy, end times, lessons through the Word of God. That study went on for seven years and solidified my faith and trust. I understand now that if I max out my life on this earth with 120 years, it is eternity that matters. This life is fleeting at best. Having my heart set for the things to come makes this life easier. Not easy — but easier. God is bigger than all this. Than everything. It would be foolish to not put my trust in Him.
Eventually, they wanted me out of solitary. They threatened to write me up and take all my stuff. I asked if they would end up giving it back after a while, and they said yes. So I told them I was good. “Do what you gotta do.” I shipped three days later.
Once I landed at the new camp — still a level 5 — I began to sign up for programs and do some Bible study courses through the mail. Transitioning back to being around people? There was nothing to it. I selected the people I dealt with and kept the rest at arm’s length. I was equipped with two things: the peace beyond all understanding, and highly skilled hands. I can fix, build, create just about anything. So I had a good reputation for doing good work, and I enjoyed plenty of coffee and ate well. I fixed fans, radios, headphones, chargers. Once tablets came into the system, I fixed those too.
I’d like to add something here. This entire journey, up to today, I have been sober.
After about three months of being locked up, I noticed something was different in my surroundings. This was back in county lockup. It took a few minutes to realize I was sober, for the first time since I was twelve years old. I said a prayer right then and there: “Please remove from me the desire for drugs, drinking, and cigarettes, that I would not be a slave to them anymore.” And I have been free ever since.
I could not remember a time I had been sober, so at some point I realized I would be having a lot of experiences as if it were the first time. I would not have it any other way. You could not pay me to smoke, drink, or do drugs. It has allowed me to avoid the trap all the gangbangers get the junkies in. It has allowed me to continue my focus and efforts. It has allowed me to rebuild a lot of relationships that I thought were gone.
One was a brother I had cut off years before my fall. We reconnected, shared our faith, and reconciled. He died a few years back, but I celebrated because I know he believed. Also my children. They know I love them and I know they love me. I have seen them now a few times, grown into fine young men.
It was tough for a while. Their mother remarried and they were not “allowed” to communicate with me. I did something I had never done before — I made an adult decision and backed off. I only reached out on birthdays and holidays so as not to cause issues with the new husband. Fast forward, and they are grown and he can no longer keep them from me. Now I see them and they are good. I encourage them to seek the truth about God. I ask them to share in their lives. I let them know that they are loved and that I care for them. It is bittersweet, but it is good.
I’ve been down over twenty years now, and I’m still riding. I spend my days making a positive effort. I believe in 60/40 — that is, a 60% chance we are living in the end times and this world is about to go through dramatic changes, Revelations style. And 40% that I am going to return to my family and make the most of the years I have left. Cooking for them, fixing on a car, building a house, helping others whenever the door opens to do so, building one of my thirty businesses, having one or more of my ministries going, living life to the fullest, one day at a time.
I’m still doing every program the system has to offer. There is no rehab in here. There is no corrections. There is no hope. There is nothing — unless you want it and make it happen for yourself. No one can do it for you. If you do ten years, get out, and say “that was a waste,” then that is your fault.
We have the most valuable asset available in abundance: time. Time is so valuable because no one knows how much you get or when it ends. If you don’t have enough time to do something, you have to pay someone for their time to help you get it done. It’s so valuable the ultimate punishment short of death is taking your time from you by putting you in prison. But while I am here, I can still do something. Make an effort. Every day. What you do with your time — that’s what matters. My loved ones will know when it’s all said and done, I made an honest effort.
My God-given talents are my hands and my mind, my ability to create, conceptualize, build. I draw. I craft. I invent. I write books. I make music. I build businesses. I write sermons. I lift up others when I can and I do my best to bring honor and glory to God who has given all.
I’ve already written and published five books, with nine more outlined. I have three graphic novels I’m working on. I’ve distributed four albums. I’m working on a series of how-to books for art and crafts. And there are quite a few more things that have been created and found their way to new homes. Oh, and I forgot about my patents — got two of them. Not everyone that gains access to the internet uses it for porn, scams, or gang BS. Some of us use it to study, learn, grow, and make a better life for those whom we love.
I can do all things through the Christ who is in me. And it is only by His grace, mercy, peace, and blessings that all these things have been made possible. This world is irrelevant at a point. Seek the truth about God and His Son Jesus. Only through salvation and sobriety can a man be the man he was intended to be.
Whatever “it” is — it is possible for anyone who is willing to make the effort. But above all, God the Creator created you for a purpose and a reason. Ask Him what it is, and learn to listen.