Better Chances

Author: KingdomMan32

I snapped mentally and killed another human being.

That’s the truth. That’s what I did. And I’m serving life without parole because of it.

But that’s not where my story ends. It’s where a different journey began — one I didn’t expect and one most people don’t believe is possible for someone like me.

I had a good upbringing. My crime wasn’t because of how I was raised. It was because of bad choices and not knowing how to deal with the consequences of those choices. After my service in the military, my life never seemed whole. I gradually found myself in a deeper and deeper hole of what felt like desperation.

I struggled with suicide. My best friend committed suicide. The use of alcohol made it worse. I mostly kept it to myself. But I started dating a young lady that I thought understood what I was dealing with and ended up in a very toxic relationship. It was the last piece of the puzzle that made me break mentally.

I had never been incarcerated before. It was hell on earth. I was jumped multiple times by gangs. But later time smoothed out. I learned to navigate. And then I made a choice: I refused to accept my fate.

I’m not talking about my sentence. I’m talking about the stigma that most people believe about violent offenders. I want to be a successful person. I want to have an impact on others. So I sought God in everything. I graduated with a college degree in Christian ministries — one of 30 students chosen out of 50,000 inmates. I am proud of my accomplishments.

The staff could care less. Most staff are mad that we got degrees “for free” and they cannot. Most look down on you either way. Very seldom there’s good ones. Not often. But nice when you find them. They make time better. They simply encourage and treat you like a human.

I’ve been down 17 years now. Seventeen years of living in what I can only describe as a war zone. Literally war. Gang violence and extreme officer shortage to control it. There’s no relief in here. No yard call. No groups or classes. Nothing to help ease your mind. You simply have to choose it every day. That’s easier said than done.

Naturally you want to respond with the emotions that this environment produces. But I have a detail, and I pour myself into it. I work out in the dorm — calisthenics, no equipment, just making do with what I’ve got. I read my Bible. I help those in need. Those who are hurting. I try to be kind even to staff who are very rude and often times corrupt.

Humility is the only answer. The Bible says to decrease so He can increase. I try to be more like Christ in an environment similar to a war zone. It’s work every day. And not easy. You have to choose it every single day.

God is the only answer. I trust that He’s in control and has a better plan with what He sees going on. The days are always hard. But my eternal salvation is secure.

I’m doing all this work — the degree, the faith, helping others, choosing kindness every day — knowing that the system says I’ll never get out. Life without parole means exactly that. But I’m living for something beyond what happens in this life, beyond what the courts decided. I’m living for eternity.

My goal in sharing this is simple: violent offenders are not always past redemption. Violent offenders are most often overlooked due to the nature of the crime. I want people to understand that anyone can change if it’s what they want. All things are possible with God.

To someone on the outside who looks at a violent offense and thinks, “That person can’t change. They don’t deserve a second chance,” I’d say this: God uses rejects. He does not offer second chances. He gives better chances.